Manage Outside Wedding Opinions | Response Examples to Unsolicited Advice

It can be extremely tough to Manage outside wedding opinions. Most of the time they come from a well-intentioned place, while there are some times they don’t come from the best place. There are so many reasons why people have opinions on weddings! In general, I try to challenge you to come from a place of empathy and understanding, rather than annoyance for a response. 

• Maybe this person had their wedding and maybe they weren’t happy with something or learned something and want to pass on their experience.
• Maybe they were hurt by something and are trying to help you avoid something similar.
• Tradition is hard to break – this person loves you, however, if they come from tradition it’s possible because they had to do it, you have to do it. Or maybe they believe in that tradition and are struggling to see anything different.
• They have a difference of opinion and are projecting that onto you. 
• Maybe they might be paying for portions of the wedding and feel entitled to what they are paying for. 

What you can expect in this article

• Ask them why
• Scenarios you can run to and responses
  • “But that’s not the way I did it. When we got married…”
  • “It won’t be as special”
  • “I wouldn’t have picked that, but you do whatever you want it’s your wedding!”
  • “You have to get married in a church.”
  • “You aren’t wearing white?!”
  • “If you invite X you have to invite X.”
  • “But I promised X they could come.”
• Final Thoughts

Ask them why!

Why do they believe the things they do? It can be pretty eye-opening and might help you figure out a better way to get the person on your side or give you an indication to not discuss wedding things with this person anymore. Just another tactic in your overall tool belt to help you manage outside wedding opinions.

Just know that by choosing to have a small wedding or elope, the hardest part is the outside opinions you might run into. Listen to them, but then try not to engage further.  They might tire of trying to get a reaction out of you or change your mind.  Keep going with your plans. You’re making your choices for a reason, so keep your stance firm! 

And also remember marriage is different now! We all are getting married older, maybe living together first, pursuing careers, etc. We’ve done things differently and weddings can and are evolving over time. 

Here are a few scenarios you could run into. Fortunately, there are some good ways to help you manage outside wedding opinions, redirect the conversation back to your decisions, or directly shut down arguments!

***Just remember…these people are in your life for a reason. It’s not a one size fits all approach for every person and every situation, and you’ll still have the people in your life after your wedding. Always approach with kindness and compassion, but keep your stance firm. 

“But that’s not the way I did it. When we got married…”

“I understand! I’m sure it was beautiful!”

-end conversation, don’t engage further-

“I understand! I’m sure it was beautiful, but I’m choosing to do this because XXXX”

Redirect to why YOU are excited about it or why you are making this choice!

“It won’t be as special”

“Thank you for your opinion”

-end conversation, don’t engage further-

“Thank you for your opinion, but because we are doing XXX it will be really special to me and my partner because it represents us.”

Redirect to why YOU are excited about it!

Maybe you’re partaking in an epic Washington elopement! (Here is a resource with local timeline examples to show that person how special the day can be!)

“I wouldn’t have picked that, but you do whatever you want it’s your wedding!”

“OK.” …..and stop discussing wedding things with this person. 

(It’s passive-aggressive in my opinion and I personally don’t think passive-aggressiveness deserves attention.)

“You have to get married in a church.“

“Thank you for your opinion, but [INSERT LOCATION] represents my partner and I more than a church.”

-end conversation, don’t engage further-

Bonus help: if you aren’t religious but you have family members who are and you know that you won’t be getting married in a church, start telling them earlier. Even if you aren’t engaged you can start dropping these ideas earlier so they’ve heard it before and are less likely to freak out during the actual planning process (where there might be a little more stress!) As much as they want it to change, they know your location probably won’t change the more they’ve previously heard it. I mean how can they eventually say no to your elopement in Olympic National Park?

“You aren’t wearing white?!“

“Nope! Omg, my outfit though is SO gorgeous and I’m so excited to wear it! [INSERT MORE DETAILS HERE]”

Redirect to why YOU are excited about it!

“If you invite X you have to invite X.“

“My budget is limited and I don’t have room for them.”

• If they offer to pay for said person, move on to these other options and:
  • “My partner and I decided to pay for this so we can do exactly what we want, and invite who we want.”
  • “No, thank you.”

“My venue has this capacity and I can’t fit them”

“I’m hiking and we can only have a limited number of people on the trailhead”

“I don’t know them, and I only want people I feel comfortable with there”

“I haven’t talked to them in 6 months”

“But I promised X they could come.“

“I wish you had talked to me first, but it’s my wedding. We have made decisions and it does not involve them.”

“My budget is limited and I don’t have room for them.”

• and if they offer to pay for said person, move on to these other options and:
  • “My partner and I decided to pay for this so we can do exactly what we want, and invite who we want.”
  • “No, thank you.”

“My venue has this capacity and I can’t fit them”

“I’m hiking and we can only have a limited number of people on the trailhead”

“I don’t know them, and I only want people I feel comfortable with there”

“I haven’t talked to them in 6 months”

One final thought to manage outside wedding opinions

There will always be opinions about your wedding choices. But remember you are choosing to celebrate in a way that celebrates you and your partner for a reason. Stay positive and excited –  It’s going to be a wonderful day.

Have any others you’ve encountered? I’ll keep adding them as I find more!