Narrow Down Your Wedding Guest List | Step by Step Guide!
You’ve decided to have a small wedding or elope!! I know that was probably a big decision to make, so CONGRATS!! Next up, you’re looking for ideas on how to narrow down your wedding guest list. Read on!
If you are using this as more research into if you can have a small wedding, I’d also encourage you to check out my resource on how to know if an elopement or small wedding is right for you!
Questions to ask yourself while narrowing your small wedding guest list.
- Would you be comfortable if it was just the two of you?
- If not, who are your most important family members? (This can even be your chosen family, not necessarily biological.)
- For friends, who are the ride or die people in your life? People you couldn’t imagine not being there.
Important Steps to take to narrow down your wedding guest list.
Step 1: Determine what budget you have to spend on you and your guests.
And know this could change if you decide to splurge on different things for your wedding to make it small and epic!
Step 2: Determine if it will just be the two of you.
If not, move on to step 3!
Step 3: If you have a venue or are adventuring, determine if there are any capacity restrictions
Sometimes elopement photographers and venues have limits on guest count due to capacity limitations. For example, Mount Rainier National Park has group size restrictions on the weddings they allow in the park! Other National Parks like Olympic National Park and other National Forests determine permits by group size and activity.
Step 4: Write every one down, even if you think they are on the fence!
Don’t forget to include yourself in the count!
| Partner 1 Immediate Family | Partner 2 Immediate Family | Partner 1 Ride or Dies | Partner 2 Ride or Dies | Partner 1 Extras | Partner 2 Extras |
| Partner 1 Mom Mom Sister | Partner 2 Dad Brother Sister | Best Friend Friend | Best Friend Friend | Uncle Jerry Aunt Ceclia | Grandpa Aunt Becky |
| 4 | 4 | 2 | 2 | 2 | 2 |
TOTAL: 16
Levels Where You Can Downsize
You can usually make a cut (even though we love them!) at extended family. If you’re worried about people’s feelings, sometimes it’s easiest if you’re making these big cuts, to set a level and cut after that. For example, if it’s just immediate family, no extended gets invited, except maybe for your grandparents. This can broadly help set expectations without you talking to each person who isn’t invited. If you downsize to a certain level it sends the message “Oh ok! They kept it really small.”
Other levels include:
- Co-workers
- Dates
- Kids
- Parents friends or community members
Step 5: If you are on the fence about certain guests, ask yourself these questions:
- Have you talked to your people in 6 months?
- Will they bring love or drama to your day?
- If you’re adventuring, are their ability levels going to restrict you?
| Partner 1 Immediate Family | Partner 2 Immediate Family | Partner 1 Ride or Dies | Partner 2 Ride or Dies | Partner 1 Extras | Partner 2 Extras |
| Partner 1 Mom Mom Sister | Partner 2 Dad Brother Sister | Friend | Friend | Grandpa Aunt Becky | |
| 4 | 4 | 2 |
TOTAL: 12
Step 4: Get your guests on board so they can help spread the word.
It’s kinda ingrained in our society that we just expect to attend weddings of our relatives. If a relative or extended friend brings it up, then it’s easy for a guest member to say “they are keeping it super small” or “they are eloping.” You don’t have to tell everyone that you aren’t inviting them to a big wedding.
If you feel like you’re going to run into reactions and don’t know how to respond to them, head over to my blog post here on handling family reactions!
Step 5: Decide if you want to involve guests in a different way!
Just because you’re narrowing your guest list for your actual day, doesn’t mean you still can’t include them! For more ideas on how you could involve your guests in your small wedding or elopement who won’t be in attendance, check out this resource here!
Downsizing is hard, but you can do it!
I challenge you to remember you’re choosing yourself for your wedding day, and putting yourself first can be hard. But in the end, you’ll be making all of these decisions ahead of time so that on your day you don’t have to worry about these decisions and can just enjoy your day!
This is very practical for everyone struggling to downsize their guestlist. Whilst it’s difficult, there’s some great tips here. Thanks for sharing.
this is some great tips! I think everyone has issues with their guestlists so this is some very useful advice!
Planning a wedding can be overwhelming, but I love how this breaks things up into easily digestible steps that are not as daunting! Thank you!
Love how you have broken down the process of making a guest list into approachable steps. Downsizing when you are planning an intimate wedding/elopement is hard, but this guide definitely makes it easier. While the three questions in step five might seem small they are some of the most important to make sure your wedding day goes exactly how you want it to!
Wow this is SO useful. I wish every couple could see this list instead of feeling guilted into inviting everyone they’ve ever met. Such great tips!
This is SUCH a great process for narrowing down a guest list! There is so much pressure for weddings and it can be hard to take a step back – thank you for this resource!
Great set of questions to ask yourself about wedding guests! Such a good resource for all!
[…] how you would narrow down your guest list for a day like this? Check out my resource on how to narrow your guest list! And if you want to involve your family during your day, check out my resource on all the ways to […]