couple getting excited they eloped in the mountains

meet alexandria

Hey there friend! I’m Alexandria, and I’ve found home in the mountains of WA. Like you, I personally thrive and feel so fulfilled in small groups, intentional moments, and love photos to remember days by.

You deserve a day that celebrates your love story. Check out my resources and reach out so I can photograph your day!

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Should I Elope or Have a Big Wedding? | Pros and Cons

Elopement Resources, Planning Resources

Should I elope or have a big wedding? That’s a big question and a very important one. Big weddings are fun, but they aren’t for everyone! I’m of the opinion so many people would be happier with a small wedding, however, mainstream media and familial pressures don’t always allow us to feel like we can choose something different. I’ve seen so many couples of larger weddings say about 3 months out “I just want this day done and over with!” and have even felt this myself.

There’s a ton of pressure involved with throwing a big party where you are the host, and the guests of honor. Keep reading if you don’t want to experience this and are trying to decide if an elopement or small wedding is right for you! My goal is to help you choose the experience that will allow you to craft something meaningful and get you excited for your wedding day!

May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears. – Nelson Mandela

Small wedding/Eloping vs Big Wedding

What’s the difference?

You’re probably familiar with an old-school version of elopements, where a couple spontaneously runs away to secretly get married. Click here to read more in-depth about the modern approach to elopements- they are not just for the courthouse and don’t have to be done in secret.

But, that’s not the only way! You can plan an incredible elopement where you adventure or do something you’ve never done before for your one-of-a-kind wedding day. It will be intentionally planned because it will be exactly what you want to do to celebrate your marriage!

For example, In Washington, there are SO many things to do! Check out my resource here for different elopement timeline examples for couples, and couples with close friends and family!

Elopements/Small Weddings are:	Big Weddings are:
No longer a Vegas-bound spontaneous courthouse, but a chance to do something you’ve never done or visit a place that means the world to you. -OR- A chance to do something unique or a more traditional timeline on a small scale	Typically more traditional, in a church
>30 people or just the couple	Groups from 31 – 300 people
Intentionally planned for the couple	Planned for guests
Options for more alone time and intentional activities	Don’t usually give you alone time
One-of-a-kind day that doesn’t have to follow a perfect timeline.	Usually follow a pre-set plan for the day
Planned anywhere from 3 months to 1 year out.	Planned anywhere from 1-2 years out

2 images, one of a couple walking on a road beneath a mountain carrying a rug and lantern. One more image of a couple having their first dance in front of guests.

Signs you should elope or have a small wedding.

***Think back to all your favorite TV shows where you see a small wedding and it just gives you all the feels. There’s a reason tv shows always shift from a big wedding to a small one with just the main characters of a show (How I Met Your Mother, New Girl, Modern Family, Gilmore Girls- Luke and Lorelai in the Fall episode, The Office, Big Bang Theory, etc ….just saying…) because the relationship is the most important thing. There is SO much love and SO much emotion when you see these play out!

You’re an introvert of some kind.
You are very empathetic, a people pleaser, and care about how everyone else will experience the day, more so than YOUR experience!
A wedding day hasn’t been your dream for all your life.
Your partner is more than a perfect day.
Planning in general feels overwhelming.
You’d rather have something chill than overly extravagant.
You’re trying to convince yourself, even though you’re planning your wedding day the way you want to, you’ll avoid the wedding day blur experience.
You don’t really jive with traditional wedding traditions. (garter toss, marriage by a priest, white dress, getting ready in matching robes, etc)
You don’t want to have people at your wedding you don’t know (and maybe you have parents who are trying to add a ton of people to the guest list)
You have family drama you’re trying to navigate.
Saving money for a house is more important. Check out my resource here on cost breakdowns between my real wedding an an elopement!
Thinking about having to spend the day thanking everyone for coming rather than having a blast seems exhausting.
Small weddings look like they could be more fun. (Check out this A-Frame Cabin Elopement!)
You love the outdoors and think getting married on an epic adventure is a cool way to celebrate (Mount Rainier, Orca Tour, or helicopter tour anybody?)

Pros and Cons of having a small wedding

Pros of Having an Elopement/Small Wedding

You get to invite exactly who you want which means everyone who will attend LOVES you and that will pour out on your wedding day. And if it’s just the two of you, imagine the connection time!
You’ll be able to spend quality time with the people you invite and it’s way more relaxed because these are probably people you are 100% comfortable with.
Ability to slow down and really enjoy all the little moments throughout the day.
It’s MORE unique than a large wedding because everything you choose has purpose and meaning which makes for an amazing storytelling opportunity for your photographer!
You can choose an adventure for saying your vows or after the vows like hiking, or wine tasting or matching tattoos or anything else!
You can find a really cool venue that’s not a traditional ballroom!
Fewer people means fewer heads to feed which means splurge options for your day if that’s your cup of tea!
Less (if none at all) drama on your wedding day.
You can still do all the traditional things you think of with a wedding day if you so desire, you just get to do it on a smaller scale! (yes you can still rock a dance floor!)
You can even have a larger party later on if you don’t want to miss out on this completely!

Cons of Having an Elopement/Small Wedding

It might be hard to tell people about your plans since they probably have other expectations for you. But I got you! Read my resource on managing unsolicited opinions about your day!

You’ll need to narrow your guest list. No worries there! I have another resource for you on How to Narrow your Guest List!
You’ll need to get creative with a new venue idea! There are some venues that are suited for smaller events, and some that are not.

If you’ve decided to have an elopement or small wedding, check out my resource on ways to involve friends and family in your elopement day or later on!

Signs should have a big wedding.

You are the life of the party!
Social interactions energize you.
You’ve dreamed of your wedding your entire life.
It’s what is traditional! And you’re excited to finally get to do all the wedding things!
You have a large guest list that you can’t imagine cutting.

married couple and wedding party laughing in front of a red barn.

Pros and Cons of a Big Wedding

Pros of Having a Big Wedding

You don’t have to narrow a guest list.
You can have a big party!
Open Bar anyone?
Epic Dance floor

Cons of Having a Big Wedding

Not a ton of alone time
No option to really slow down and enjoy the day
You have to mingle with your guests and thank them for coming
Your day isn’t as flexible as a small wedding
Can get expensive
Have to invite some guests because you invite other people
You plan a party for your guests, not yourself.